Toilet Training 101
How do you know when it is time to begin toilet training? Is it when your mother says it’s time? “They need to start using the potty. I had you in underpants by now”. Is it when your friend says it’s time? “It was so easy for my child. I can’t believe you haven’t started yet.” Is it when preschool enrollment demands it? “Children must be toilet trained before entering the program.” Everyone has an opinion, but no one really knows what is right for your child, except YOU!
All children begin the process of toilet training at a different time and in a different way. There is no one way that is more successful than the other. It may difficult to resist the pressures that others are placing on you to train your child, and let’s face it, no one enjoys changing diapers, but if you listen to your gut and the cues from your child, you will know when the time is right.
The key to toilet training is to move at your child’s pace. They will let you know when they are ready. Here are some of the ways your child will let you know it is time:
• Your child will express interest in the toilet, or in wearing underpants instead of diapers
• Your child will have the ability to understand and follow basic instructions
• Your child will be able to walk
• Your child will be able to keep their diaper dry for at least two hours
• Your child is capable of pulling his/her pants up and down or has interest in learning how
• Your child signals when they need to go to the bathroom either verbally or with facial cues
• Your child informs you when their diaper is wet or dirty or shows displeasure in a soiled diaper
So now that your child is ready, how do you start?
One easy way to begin is to take advantage of natural times in their routine for toileting. When your child is getting ready for a bath, have them sit and “try”. When you are changing their clothing, again have them “try.” When they wake up, or are getting ready for bed time, have them sit on the toilet. The more that you build the expectation of using the toilet into their routine, the more willing they will be to follow through. As your child becomes more successful in these routines, their independence in using the toilet will increase as well.
Another way to introduce toilet training is through the “bootcamp” process. This is when a parent takes a set amount of dedicated time (usually a week) to enforce the use of the toilet without the aid of pull ups or diapers. During this time, a parent may choose for their child to go straight into underwear, or “pants-less” as they attend to a strict regiment of toileting every 30 to 45 minutes. The idea behind this process is that your child will feel the discomfort of being wet or soiled as they have accidents if they do not use the toilet.
No matter what your thoughts are on how to toilet train, it is equally as important to begin an open dialog with any adults/caregivers in your child’s life. Not only is consistency between environments key to successful toilet training, everyone must be on the lookout for any changes in behavior or stress your child may feel through the process. It is not uncommon for a child to begin training, and then regress. It is also not unusual for your child to become fully trained in one environment but not another. When all parties are in unison, success is more easily obtainable. It is imperative to be able to discuss these pitfalls and how to recover.
No matter when or how you and your child experience toilet training, please remember that you are not alone. It may be frustrating at times, but you will have a community with you to help.
Finally, here are some popular misconceptions for you to consider:
“PUT YOUR CHILD ON THE POTTY EARLY AND THEY WILL LEARN HOW IT WORKS” - Some parents believe that if they place their child on the potty, the child will “figure it out” OR if they run and put them on the potty whenever they start to pee or poop, that the child will form an association with those functions and the use of the toilet. Generally though, children need to understand their urges and have a desire to eliminate somewhere other than their pants before these strategies will work. In addition to that understanding and desire, children need explicit training, support, choice, and a sense of autonomy and competence to toilet train.
“YOUR CHILD SHOULD BE TOILET TRAINED BY AGE X” - Toilet training is like walking, speaking, reading, or any other skill our children need to learn. They all develop at a different rate, time, and ways. Some children will pick it up fast while others will take a bit longer.
“ONCE YOU BEGIN TOILET TRAINING, THERE IS NO GOING BACK!” - This myth is perpetuated because of the importance of consistency in toilet training. However, sometimes a child doesn’t get it and lacks the motivation to figure things out. If you try to toilet train your child and they have issues or seem distressed, TAKE A BREAK! It is perfectly OK to wait a few months and try again. Just remember not to make it a big deal. If you are able to minimize the issue, and not make a big deal about it, your child will be more inclined to try again in time.
“IT’S JUST A MATTER OF DISCIPLINE” - Toilet training should never become a struggle between you and your child for power and control. While it is tempting to tell mistruths, create discipline, or withhold privileges to get a child to comply with training, these power struggles can lead to ongoing anxiety, fear, and push back from your child. It is important to create an atmosphere for training which is free of stress, and judgement. This should be a positive experience for both you and your child.
“CHILDREN NEED US TO “MODEL” HOW TO USE THE TOILET” - While it doesn’t hurt for children to see what their parents are doing in the bathroom, there is no urgent need for them to observe and copy. They will figure it out with simple guidance from the adults in their world.
“WHEN THEY ARE READY, THEY WON’T WANT TO BE IN A DIRTY DIAPER” - While some children will not like the feel of a soiled or wet diaper and will begin asking to be changed, most are not bothered by it. Even when actively toilet training, most children will not find discomfort from their soiled diaper and may be reluctant to stop what they are doing to use the toilet.
